My Eggs are Dying, I have Scabies, and Other Laments of a Single Twenty-Something

It was a beautiful day in a quiet country garden, and a young, optimistic Jordan was enjoying the happiness that is typically included in wedding receptions. Sun gently warming her skin, the faint smell of expensive appetizing snacks wafting past her delicate nose, and all the other imagery that would lead you to believe that this was a beautiful moment.

It was. Until a wedding troll crept up behind her and snarled:

“Are you married?”

Slightly taken aback, she responded “Oh hello there! No, I am not.”

“How old ARE you?!”he sneered.

“I just turned twenty-four...”

“Wow, that’s spinster age!”

Luckily, she was snarky, sarcastic, and quick on the draw; she responded in mock horror “I know! My eggs are dying!”

As a young Christian woman in her early twenties, I have become increasingly aware of the pressure for a young Christian woman to marry, and to marry quickly (for heaven's sake) ; although the moment I just described, was probably the pinnacle.

After the pleasantries of “what is your name?” and “have you graduated from high school yet?” a typical conversation will veer into the marital status category. After confirming that I am not married, nor seeing anyone—I have noticed a theme in my interviewer’s reaction.

Those simple facts have rendered the individual’s face completely conquered by a myriad of emotion: surprise! sympathy?, DISGUST, a bladder infection? ... Usually followed up with a willful attempt at an encouraging smile. Sometimes their hands do a strange twitching dance at their sides, and for a moment I wonder if I should call the Mental Health Emergency Team.

“Oh, well... you are very beautiful. Keep leaning into God and he will bring the perfect man for you”

They speak as if I just told them I have chronic scabies.

If I haven’t a man by now, maybe I do have scabies,

Lying dormant somewhere in this barren shell of a woman.

And we all know, Scabies is not “the new sexy”.

These questions, while innocent and typically just inquisitive in nature, imply that the most important thing, the best way to get a glimpse of my character, is to inquire on whether I was successful in the art of man-wooing.

Once, I Google'd something about single Christians... and an article about sex-addicts was what came up.

“If it’s not my scabies that drives men into an itchy retreat,

 I must be single because I have chosen to be,

Because I am a sex-addict.”

Now you won't hear a sermon (at least I hope not) that teaches that if you are not married you are obviously defective and should be held in a separate room (or perhaps attend a separate service specifically for young adults, or better yet-- attend a bridal bible college!), but young single twenty-somethings are constantly being bombarded with questions about why they are single, or how long they plan on staying single, or whether they want to marry at all—by friends, family, people in the church parking lot, or by complete strangers.

 The message is clear... 

you should probably be married by now.

What’s worse is the message we are sending young women: your purpose is marriage.

 If you are not married, you are doing it wrong

and possibly not a godly woman

probably infected with scabies

at the very lease, a sex addict

What a frenzy this creates!

Are you a twenty-something? 

Has singleness plagued your existence?  

HURRY! Get a husband! 

ANY HUSBAND WILL DO!

I admit I have fallen to that trap myself-- The Man Hunt. There is a particular church in my community that caters to young adults, someone once suggested that I go there, to increase my chances of securing a spouse (not to enhance my spiritual growth).

"Let's go to the Meat Market, err Church... and find a husband-- 
I mean, Jesus"

 (I didn't end up going, because a) it felt creepy, and b) I am a strong supporter of the 'do not objectify women' cause and therefore the objectification of men seemed hypocritical).

And THAT is my issue. I have no issue with marriage. I have no issue with people getting married in their twenties (many of my friends have, and they are great spouses and awesome Christians). Nor do I think its a bad idea to find a husband at church (sometimes, there are Christians there!). What I am frustrated about is that fact that being in a romantic relationship seems to have taken the forefront of our minds-- a place that was created to be occupied by Christ alone.

I would love to one day be married. However, I believe that my purpose on this earth is to be fully loved, and fully in love with Christ. And that is where I would love my christian community to support me. I don't want to hear the preacher proclaim that seeking God is the most fulfilling and valuable aspect of my existence, only to step into the lobby and be informed that I will be complete once I have a husband.

Let's raise little girls who know that having a husband is a gift and a blessing, but that knowing and being with God is our ultimate purpose. Let's celebrate and encourage this time of singleness, a time in which we can devote ourselves completely to discovering the richness of God's presence in our lives; so that if the time comes, we can share that joy and wisdom with our husbands and our children.

(That seems like a better alternative to the frantic scabied sex-addicts romping through our churches, snatching all our people up. )